chemo treatment:

August 11, 2010

photo from here

image source unknown.
please comment if you know it.


2 days ago my mom turned 59! one week ago from today she started her first chemo treatment. we were so blessed that it worked out that we were up north, and were able to end up staying with her through the 6-hour session. (for those of you who may be new to the blog, i wrote about my mom getting diagnosed with cancer back in may)

we're not sure how she'll react to the chemo. she said she's nauseous and her bones are aching. she'll loose her hair in another week or so.

i would have postponed the wedding and waited till she was back to good health but she wouldn't let me. sometimes i want to just break down and cry and have a pity party. actually, on monday i did have a bit of a breakdown. but i'm not the one going through it, she is. i just get really sad at the thought of my beautiful lovely mom being sick. i need my mom. she is a capable mom. she takes charge, she gets things done. and i need her in the coming weeks before the wedding. i know, it's totally selfish.

i guess these 2 photos are what i am feeling right now. sometimes peace. sometimes feeling like i can't do it. at the end of the day i know that i can only do this through His strength. i will trust that everything is in His perfect timing. i am filled with joy that she is and will be okay and feel blessed that they caught the cancer before it spread.

anyway, just wanted to give you all an update. i was so touched by all your comments, messages, and emails from when we found out - thank you. her next chemo session will be august 25th and i am hoping to go up and be there with her again. having my mom go through chemo while planning the wedding is totally doable, right? i say yes.

90 hello's:

  1. All the best to you and your mother. May God be with you and may the light at the end of the tunnel shine on you soon.

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  2. I for sures say yes -- wedding details are lovely, and of course they need to be handled, but at times like this is when I feel love shines through the mostest. We'll be keeping your mom (+ you!) in our prayers!

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  3. Yes, you can do it. You can and so can she. Healing thoughts of love to you both.

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  4. danni, want to share to you a verse I read yesterday, hope it will give you strength.. Isaiah 40:31 "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." :)

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  5. Totally doable :) I bet the wedding is something really positive that your mum can concentrate on, as can you. Best wishes to you and your family. She sounds like a tough cookie and it's fantastic they caught it early. Sally x

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  6. danni....
    praying for your sweet mom and for you....
    love michelle

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  7. my thoughts and prayers are with your mom and your family. you are soo sweet for going with her to treatments, i totally think you can do that and wedding planning simultaneously! you'll feel better that you can spend time with your mom and it will make you less stressed out for wedding planning tasks! :)

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  8. Being sad when your mom is sick isn't a pity party, it's perfectly natural. Moms are special and so important in our lives; it's terrible to see them sick or hurting. Peace and blessings to you both.

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  9. So doable because it's you- a very talented and capable person. Seriously, if anyone could pull off a wedding in the midst of turmoil it would be you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.

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  10. My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer this spring also. She just finished her chemo...I was devastated and for a short time was angry and confused with God (I am a person of deep, unfailing faith). I soon learned that my sister could pretty much continue on with her life as usual with the exception of the few days that are sometimes not so great after the chemo treatment. She is very active in church and all of this had little effect on that...You and your mom can do it! The LORD will not let you down. He loves you and He loves your mother...Please email me if you or your mother would like to contact my sister. You will be in our prayers.

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  11. All too familiar with what you are going through, I will be praying for your Mom's comfort and peace as well as yours. Moms are like that, they will always put us first no matter what. Sending out a warm hug to you... ~Lanie J.

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  12. Danni,
    Find comfort in knowing God would never allow things to happen in your life that he knows you can't handle. Whatever you go through there is a way out, its never hopeless no matter how hopeless it may seem to us.
    I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.

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  13. danni, i think your mom is wise. being able to have something else to focus on while going through chemo is so good. it's a spot of hope in the midst of agony. blessings to you so you can be strong for her and blessing to your mom so she can be strong against cancer!

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  14. Oh Danni <3
    All my love & support is going out to you and your mom. I can't imagine the stress of all that is going on, but I have no doubt that you will pull through wonderfully!! :)
    Keeping your mom in my thoughts and prayers for sure...and I'll be sending good wishes to you both all the time :)

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  15. You are both blessed to have each other! Def will keep you and your mother in my prayers! <333

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  16. Hi Friend, you are always in my prayers! Your mom is blessed to have such a strong minded daughter like you :)

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  17. YES, girl! you can do it!! its great to have a mom like that - who is supportive even when she is hurting. you are so blessed!

    hang in there. one day at a time is what my mom always tells me about everything. :)

    lovelove.

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  18. Oh Danni, so sorry you and your family are having to go through this. Stay strong, and everything will work itself out. And if you need any help, just let me know! Seriously, if you need help even with silly little things, I'll be there! OC is only like an hour away! :) Keep smiling, and hug your Mom as much as humanly possible.... Nicholas too!

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  19. It's ok to have a pity party, you are going through "it"! Maybe not the same "it" that your mom is going through, but she is your mom so of course there is pain to go through for you. Sometimes we don't feel better until we cry anyway. So get it all out girl! You are so sweet and I'm sure your mom loves having you by her side while she does this. Good luck with wedding planning, you can do it!

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  20. I know I don't know you-know you, but I'm pretty sure you're a multitasker. Having something uplifting to focus on will help with the worry, I think.

    I'll definitely keep your mom in my prayers, Danni. <3

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  21. sending you and your mummy all my best wishes! Those photos are so emotive - you're a special soul! x

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  22. you can do it! and crying it out is good for the soul. keep your head up. All the best to you mom.

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  23. I say yes too - life goes on despite everything & I'm sure your wedding will be something lovely for her to focus on. Its a year since my diagnosis and I'm finishing treatment tomorrow! Best wishes, G

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  24. my grandma fought cancer for the third time, this past year. she is off chemo treatment and doing well now. :) through HIS strength my family has gotten though it! you and of course your mom are in my thoughts and prayers today.

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  25. my grandma fought cancer for the third time, this past year. she is off chemo treatment and doing well now. :) through HIS strength my family has gotten though it! you and of course your mom are in my thoughts and prayers today.

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  26. I'm sorry dear that you and your family are going through that right now. I know it's not easy. I'm really hoping and crossing my fingers that your mom will get better soon. She is a strong woman and she will get through it I'm certain. As for you dear friend, I will see you this weekend! ^.^
    xoxo

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  27. Thanks for the update, Danni - you are so honest about everything! Still praying for your mom + your family, and I hope you find moments to enjoy the wedding planning, too :)

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  28. Goodness I know how you feel. My mom was diagnosed with cancer in February, a mastectomy 2 weeks after diagnosis, and I had my third baby 3 weeks later. I felt so selfish feeling sorry for myself, when it was her going through it all, but I just needed my mom. Who was I supposed to call if I went into labor in the middle of the night? Who was going to watch my kids while I was in the hospital? I was so selfish. But we got through it, and she's no cancer-free, and I'm so glad.

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  29. yes!!you can do it!!and best wishes to your dear mother danni!

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  30. I know how hard this is. I'm sending love.

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  31. sending you prayers and positive thoughts!

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  32. I think all daughters feel a little possessive of their moms... and to have to share her with cancer is just unfair. But she's lucky to have you and the wedding might be a nice distraction from the effects of the chemo (: Your family will be in my prayers.

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  33. Hi,
    I think the wedding will be good for your Mom. I know it will be harder on you, trying to split your concentration both ways, but for your Mom having something to set her mind on, to look forward to, will make her treatment go easier. Having a good, positive headspace when undergoing treatment is key, and what better thing for your mom to be thinking of then her happiness for your upcoming wedding! She will still be there for you, in ways you couldnt even have imagined. She is a strong woman, as are you, and you will get thru this together, and be even stronger.

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  34. lovely photos. all the best to you and your family!

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  35. Completely doable. Do what feels right when you feel the time is right. I wish you well in you and your mothers coming endeavors. Always stay positive

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  36. I must have missed the first post about your mom and her cancer diagnosis.
    My mom was diagnosed just over a year ago. Primary Peritoneal Cancer. It is a relative of uterine cancer... they treat it nearly the same, however... the rate of success with her type of cancer is much less. Average 2-3 years with some living as long as 6-8. My mom is 58 this year. I absolutely try not to think of how badly I don't want her to leave me, my kids, my dad and my sister... Cancer Sucks...
    I will keep your mom in my prayers that her outcomes is a success and that you have many many years with her.
    Cheers~Ivy

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  37. I'm really really sorry to hear that. But you know what? The wedding and being by your mama's side is totally doable, so you're all good!

    My aunt had the same, and today she is even more radiant than ever before. Optimism is hugely important, and both of you are certainly on the right track.

    All the best. I hope that your mom gets better realllly quickly and that your wedding is magical.

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  38. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. Your mom sounds strong and positive, and you will get through this together!

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  39. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I know how you feel. The pain and ache you feel in your heart and knot you feel in your stomach. I know because my mom had lung cancer and I've been through what you are going through. It is very hard and difficult for everyone around you I am sure and also emotional and heartbreaking. It sometimes feels surreal. Stay strong and if you have to cry do so. Let your emotions out. I pray for your mom and your family. Stay strong and the very best to you and your family.
    Maria

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  40. Of course you can do it! Make it a perfect wedding, it'll make your mother so happy! I hope she'll be alrigt..

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  41. Hi Danni, I just found out my 4 year old son has to go to Children's Hospital in Seattle for some major tests...this sounds difficult enough in itself...but what you may not know is that my 6 year old son already goes there for a very rare disease that there is no cure for. I am feeling a bit lost and devasted myself at the moment. I will pray for you and your mom while I pray for my sons. Blessings.

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  42. I can't imagine how dificult it is to plan wedding AND support your mom in such sircumstances. I am planning my wedding right now and it is hard as it is! But you are right, even if we don't get it, it's all in His plan! And it might be more than you can do, but He will just do it for you. I will pray for you and your family! Best wishes!

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  43. Wow. I can only imagine what you are going through and honestly I don't know how I would handle it. I'm sending positive thoughts your way and your mom's way as well.

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  44. it's SOOO hard to watch your mother go through treatments like this and know that she is suffering. I always felt a bit lost too, especially because I couldn't be there for my mom when she was having hers, since she lived 900 miles away... that lost feeling is all too familiar. But, you and your mom are so strong, and I know God will be gracious and give you that peace you both need to get through this. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now... I feel for you, and I'll be praying, for your sweet mom, for you, for the wedding plans, and for everything to fall into place and be beautiful and blessed. hugs. xo.

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  45. oh danni, i wish i knew what to say. i will keep you & your mom & your family in my prayers.

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  46. Hi Danni!

    We were the ones that made the comment about the blog being written by two boys. =)

    Now that ive read more of the blog, its much more clear. =0 My aunt is actually doing her 3rd chemo treatment tomorrow and i know its exhausting. My prayers go out to you and your mom.

    best regards

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  47. hi danni, it is absolutely natural to feel upset that your mum is not well at a time when you want to share something so wonderful as getting married with her. My mum was having chemo when my brother got married and had to wear a wig to his wedding. The wig made my mum look so conservative which my mum is not. So as we do in my family we chose to see the silly side and nicknamed her Felicity for the day. I hope your mum is back on her feet very soon to share many happy moments with you. mel xx

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  48. Danni- I'm surrounding you and your mom in beautiful, peace-filled, healing light. In other words, my thoughts are with you! Just remember to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling - no matter when or what. Allow it to flow through you so that you remain well and balanced with all that's surrounding you right now. All my best!

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  49. Danni- I'm surrounding you and your mom in beautiful, peace-filled, healing light. In other words, my thoughts are with you! Just remember to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling - no matter when or what. Allow it to flow through you so that you remain well and balanced with all that's surrounding you right now. All my best!

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  50. i am a huge fan of your blog, but have never really commented before. i just wanted to let you know that you and your mom are in my prayers. everything will be alright :)

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  51. Be strong, my dear. I know this is a really hard time you're going through right now. The best thing is to keep your mother smiling and happy and full of joy -- sometimes I think that more than anything else helps fight off disease. My prayers will be with you and your mom in the next few weeks. And anytime you feel overwhelmed, breathe deeply and remember how beautiful the world is and how blessed you are to have so many amazing people in your life.

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  52. For some reason, despite the fact that I don't know you personally, this is making me cry and cry. I'm going back to read the post on your mom b/c I wasn't following then.

    Hang in there - and mom too!! You absolutely CAN plan a wedding while supporting your mom in her battle! You can do it in HIS strength!!

    The two of you are in my prayers,
    Carrie

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  53. I know how your feeling, But it was my mother-in-law. But were so close its like my mom. I think planning this wedding will help her look forward and keep her fighting. My prayers are with you and your family.

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  54. Yep, you can totally do it. And it will rock. I hope, hope, hope your mum's chemo is bearable and goes well. And try to remember, despite the days when you feel like the second picture, that you will always dredge up the inner strength you need from somewhere. Girls are tough like that - both mums and daughters.

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  55. its totally doable! an your doing it :) the pictures you posted are both serene and calm. Hang in there you have the strength :)

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  56. Danni,
    I love your blog. You are so creative and artistic! Thank you for sharing! You are amazing! I am officially addicted! (o:

    Have a great day. Sorry about the chemo. Life is hard sometimes.

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  57. so sorry to hear about the chemo that your mom has to go thru. i cannot imagine watching someone suffer thru that. just know that your wedding, i am sure, is your mom's light at the end of the tunnel. totally giving her something to look forward to. keep your chin up! xo.

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  58. Hi Danni,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Its so heartbreaking to see a loved one in so much pain. I do hope you gain enough courage to go through this. As for your wedding, I'm sure she'll be so proud of you to see you walk down the aisle with the man you love.

    Do take care. xx

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  59. i m sure your mom will be so happy to see you in your wedding dress and it'll give her strength to get her through chemo. be strong! :)

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  60. Yes it is totally do able...you can do it, cause it's what your lovely Mom wants. And there are lots of us out here saying prayers for all of you. With love from someone who has been there with her mom. xo

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  61. Wishing you all healing prayers :)
    Be strong for her, share with her your wedding plans so she can take her mind off the pain and I`m sure that your wedding will be beautiful and just perfect!
    Take care :)

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  62. Just said a prayer for you and your mom, and I'll keep praying. :) I can't imagine how tough this is to go through, but just remember He's got you in His hands.

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  63. You know what, Danni? It's not a pity party :) You just love your mom and want her to be well, you wish she was that healthy, strong woman (which she will be, and is strong in her own ways even now) again, and there's nothing wrong with that. I sometimes feel lousy when I think through my situation too. but God will pull us through, and He will make things beautiful in His time.

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  64. Danni-
    This is the first blog I've ever commented on and the SECOND comment I've written. There's something about you, about the way you write, the way you take photographs. That's why I know you and your mom are going to come through this and are going to do beautifuly on the other side. Doesn't have to be beautiful like stereotypical, magazine, long flowing hair beautiful, but just right. Things are going to work out for you. Hang in there. Best to your mom.
    -e.

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  65. And one more thing...
    My mom and I got those matching paper crane tattoos partly because of all we've been through. It's a daily reminder of how strong mother-daughter love is and just how much it can over come. You two are no different. We have you in our hearts.

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  66. Everything will be allright, i know!
    Be strong Danny, she need you now!!
    Lot of KISSES!!
    Eva

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  67. I'm keeping you, your mum and family in my prayers! I know that if you trust in Him, you will get through it!

    It's ok to have a bit of pity party for yourself but just know that there are so many people thinking of you and praying for your mum.

    I truly pray that she is completely healed! x

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  68. I am sure that your wedding and the planning will help your mom to focus on something positive with you! Good luck!

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  69. Treasure and savour every second...mother's are truly priceless - their love knows no bounds.

    I wish you all well on this journey.

    Ingrid x

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  70. After going through some dark trials in life I have learned many things and have been SO thankful that God has been the One holding me and my family up through the valleys. I read that trials can make you bitter... or better. I trust that the circumstances you all find yourselves in will make you all better. May you find strength and peace and comfort in the midst of this time. May you all come through this valley SHINING! Love and prayers...

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  71. All best wishes for improved health to your mama. I hope her treatment is as bearable as possible. I think the wedding will keep her going and keep her mind off the side effects. Hang in there and thank god for your fiance to help you through her illness!

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  72. Your Mom is a strong woman, only wanting the best for you. Hang in there for her and yourself. Your wedding will be lovely and your Mom will be there with you, cheering you on!

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  73. Healing thoughts & wishes to you & your mom. This post so touched me.... I lost my mom to cancer at 58. I was 34. That was 15 years ago. I miss her everyday. Moms make everything right.... give her a really big hug & an I love you.
    xxx

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  74. Sending warm wishes and positive thoughts your way...

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  75. yes you can do it. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil 4:13...only through Him and drawing from him you will get through all of this. Keeping your lovely mom in my thoughts and prayers.

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  76. thinking of you danni! you are beautiful. will be praying for you family
    xo
    j.

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  77. Hi danni!! Me & my pup are praying for you and your mom!! :) From following your blog, you sound like an amazingly strong person, and from what you've said about your mom, she's equally strong. You can do it!! Sending happy energy your way!! <3

    <3 amy

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  78. I will definitely be praying for you, your mom, and your family. and you are totally right, His strength will get you through this!

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  79. i really hope your mom reacts well to the chemo - cant imagine having to see loved ones go through that. :/ all the best for her and for your family!

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  80. Danni, I've ordered from you before and just love reading your blog. I was just doing some catching up and came to this page. This entry made me tear a little as I'm getting married in 2 weeks and Chris' dad passed away last May from Cancer. I'm so happy that your mom's able to share your big day. Stay strong for her as she'll need it. Good luck with your wedding planning...I can't wait to see more.

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  81. Thinking of you & your family as you navigate through this difficult experience. I always enjoy reading your blog (I am getting married in November!) because you're so down to earth. Your honesty & vulnerability in this post brought on tears as I cannot imagine how you must feel & I greatly admire the way in which you're supporting your Mom. She must be very proud of you. Sending good vibes your way!

    Erin
    www.luxeandlace.blogspot.com

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  82. Believe me Danni. When my brother was diagnosed with Leukemia Dad dreamt. Like an answer from Him. I'm serious. He'll be with you.

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  83. Hello dear! I just stumbled upon your blog and just have to comment. Four years ago, I almost lost my father 3 weeks before my wedding. I was lucky enough to have him released the day before to walk me down the aisle. My wedding day was planned at my parents' home, as my father built the house. I couldn't image a better place to get married, nor could I imagine him not being there. It was such an emotional time. My heart goes out to you. I'm also currently undergoing chemo treatments, and watching my family deal with this is so hard. I often tell them I think they have it harder than me. I know I will be ok. It's so hard to watch a loved one suffer and be helpless at the same time. ((Hugs)) to you and your mom. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Much love to you. Your blog is beautiful!!

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  84. Aw Danni, my thoughts are with you and your family! I know your mom will get through this. :)

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  85. i LOVE the tree photo !! so lovely ! i wish to take amazing photography like this one day !

    check out my gallery if you like: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jessicalouisey/

    http://jessica-hannam.blogspot.com/

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  86. dear friend, i am praying for you and your mom. praise God he does not give you anything you cannot handle (1 cor 10:13). God is good and faithful as our rock and fortress. may you not be shaken! do not fear or be dismayed for he is with you always (deut 31:8) for his glory. love you dear friend!

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  87. Hi Danni,
    I know how hard it must be for you!! Stay strong and always keep a smile when you're around her. Happiness and prayers can sometimes ease the pain away. She will need you, as much as you need her. You both will make it through this!! Take Care and much love. *big hugs* from both Josh and I

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  88. Dear Danni,
    I just saw this post that you wrote about a while ago but I totally know what you mean. As I read it I remembered all the feelins that plagued me and my family when my mother had recurring cancer. She had to get a mastecomy,and this time under went chemo. It was SO hard to see her that way bc she is such a strong woman. By God's grace she went through it and had God right by her side (and of course her family). She was a great encouragement to me during that time. Thank you for sharing and being real about what you are going through. I'll keep her prayer and please update how she is doing. May the Lord be with you and your family. May he bless you, and keep you and make his face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you (Numbers 6)

    Hope all is well,
    Frances Tibayan
    (Helen and Ruby's friend)

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Friends, Thank you so much for reading + supporting my blog, and for taking the time to leave me a comment. Your comment support truly means so much to me. Have a lovely day! xo, danni