photo from Joe Cavazos, text added by me.
I've had this on my mind to post for a while now. I've been joking with my family that I am having a quarter-life crisis. I keep asking myself questions like "what am I doing with my life?" / "what am I accomplishing?" and things along that nature.
A couple months ago, Nick & I worked a really hard weekend. It was emotionally and physically tiring. I had a (little) bit of an angry + bitter heart (okay, maybe a lot), and just had a bad attitude about the whole thing. Of course, reflecting back - I really wish I had just made the best of it. Anyway, we went to church the next day and they sang this old hymn. and the tears just started flowing... The hard weekend combined with everything I'd been feeling lately about life in general had been weighing so heavily in me. and as we sang this song, it resonated so deep in my heart. It had been a hard weekend. I was feeling so unmotivated and like I was going nowhere in life. But at the end of the day, it is well with my soul. At the end of the day, I have my loved ones near, we are healthy. Perspective. I needed, and still need from day to day, perspective.
Actually, during the drive on the way to church, I had been processing everything with Nick and made a list of things I wanted to accomplish. All my "hopes" and "dreams" - like publishing a book, opening a store - doing all the things I want to do in life. During the service, I just sat and reflected about everything. All these things I want to do in life.
So if I wipe away all the things I think define me and will make me feel established or accomplished - I realized the things I really want are simple. I just want our kids (if we are blessed with kids) to love + follow Jesus. and I want to live heathy lives. (Nick and I are just a tiny bit paranoid about our health. We joke we're hypochondriac's but we totally get super paranoid about our health. My own friend in college passed away from cancer at 20) and I want to live a life following Jesus. That's all! Really.
I didn't have a "life-changing" moment that day or anything. I didn't completely throw out all my ambitions of owning my own store, living abroad, publishing a book. But I realized that I so easily find myself getting caught up in defining my worth and value by this world and what societies' standards of success is. Whatever comes my way, whatever I do or don't accomplish - at the end of the day, it is well with my soul.
What about you? When you go deeper than the general 'desires and dreams', what really lies at your heart's hopes for your life? Curious to hear your thoughts :)