reflection:

December 19, 2011

photo from Joe Cavazos, text added by me.

I've had this on my mind to post for a while now. I've been joking with my family that I am having a quarter-life crisis. I keep asking myself questions like "what am I doing with my life?" / "what am I accomplishing?" and things along that nature.

A couple months ago, Nick & I worked a really hard weekend. It was emotionally and physically tiring. I had a (little) bit of an angry + bitter heart (okay, maybe a lot), and just had a bad attitude about the whole thing. Of course, reflecting back - I really wish I had just made the best of it. Anyway, we went to church the next day and they sang this old hymn. and the tears just started flowing... The hard weekend combined with everything I'd been feeling lately about life in general had been weighing so heavily in me. and as we sang this song, it resonated so deep in my heart. It had been a hard weekend. I was feeling so unmotivated and like I was going nowhere in life. But at the end of the day, it is well with my soul. At the end of the day, I have my loved ones near, we are healthy. Perspective. I needed, and still need from day to day, perspective.

Actually, during the drive on the way to church, I had been processing everything with Nick and made a list of things I wanted to accomplish. All my "hopes" and "dreams" - like publishing a book, opening a store - doing all the things I want to do in life. During the service, I just sat and reflected about everything. All these things I want to do in life.

So if I wipe away all the things I think define me and will make me feel established or accomplished - I realized the things I really want are simple. I just want our kids (if we are blessed with kids) to love + follow Jesus. and I want to live heathy lives. (Nick and I are just a tiny bit paranoid about our health. We joke we're hypochondriac's but we totally get super paranoid about our health. My own friend in college passed away from cancer at 20) and I want to live a life following Jesus. That's all! Really.

I didn't have a "life-changing" moment that day or anything. I didn't completely throw out all my ambitions of owning my own store, living abroad, publishing a book. But I realized that I so easily find myself getting caught up in defining my worth and value by this world and what societies' standards of success is. Whatever comes my way, whatever I do or don't accomplish - at the end of the day, it is well with my soul.

What about you? When you go deeper than the general 'desires and dreams', what really lies at your heart's hopes for your life? Curious to hear your thoughts :)

45 hello's:

  1. Great post, and great reminder - especially at Christmas time! Thanks for sharing.

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  2. Thanks for the post. I love that hymn. I'm struggling with this right now. I moved across the country (from temperate to tundra) to be with the man I love (we're not engaged yet and I'm getting peeved about it...which is dumb). I left a job at a university (my contract was up), and I now work at a bagel shop. My landlord is a nutjob and my apartment is kind of a disaster...hoping I can get out of the lease, but not looking good. Regardless. I'm really happy to be here, and things are going great with him and Him for that matter - those two relationships are the glue holding me together, and I'm so thankful for that. Sometimes though, I spiral into a self-pity party that's pretty hard to dig out of...

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  3. This blessed my heart today! Thank you for posting. That's one of my favorite hymns. :)

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  4. I think that in this world it is hard to always feel positive about your place in it. I sometimes feel that I have accomplished nothing even though I have been through university, worked so hard, gained a degree but at the time i was in a dark place so I never appreciated it. Last year with the help of friends and family they encouraged me to start designing again, I started a blog and in July I quit my job that made me so unhappy and since then I have worked hard and I feel so more positive about my place in this world. And the key for me has been focusing on what I have achieved rather than what I haven't...yet...like me you have a long list of things you would like to happen in your life which can make you feel under pressure (from yourself) I have been told, pick one thing, work hard and it will slowly come into view. Just do one thing at a time and eventually it will all work out...x

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  5. Thanks for writing this! I have been feeling this for a while too. I am a stay at home mom, and though I am blessed to be able to stay home with my kids... sometimes I miss working with adults, sometimes I get carried away with thoughts of "once the kids are all in school" and "once I have more me time" and I forget to see all that I have, I forget to be thankful. My list of things I can do once the kids "are older" grows daily, I just have to remember that right now, their are more important things!

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  6. so needed to hear this: "But I realized that I so easily find myself getting caught up in defining my worth and value by this world and what societies' standards of success is."

    I get to caught up in what other people define as success. I need to make my OWN definition that actually works with me and who I am and what I do.

    Thanks so much for being honest. I hope that you feel better and holy COW... you are pretty darn amazing from this end.

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  7. This blurb that I read in a magazine really helped me when I was going through what you seem to be going through now. So, I want to share in case it will help you too. (Note: This isn't my experience; just one I read in a magazine.) :)

    The Small Stuff
    My experience with cancer treatment last year made me realize that my most satisfying moments are often incidental: laughing with fellow guitar students, watching friends enjoy a batch of my homemade cookies, noticing golden sunset light on city buildings. The things that can be checked off a list - going on a safari, visiting a historic site - are less important. There will always be places I want to visit and things I want to learn, but in the end, it's hard to beat shared laughter, local produce, fresh flowers, and a good night's sleep. I revel in the "small stuff."
    - Susie Wyshak, San Fran, CA

    (Hope this helps you as much as it did me. :))

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  8. i can very much relate to your state of mind. i am a creative (freak) and i sometimes have to stop myself and just sing Amazing Grace to bring myself back to what matters most. my brother just passed away from cancer this past august and the ache & confusion is so powerful some days that i just want to run away. you are very right, when it all comes down to it putting Christ first, and our health & loved ones is really what matters most. being a healthy minded person is great, but just don't become a stress-ball cuz stress is a big component of our overall health. health sites that i love... https://www.herbdoc.com (don't mind his corny photo on the homepage, he is brilliant!) and http://drbenkim.com/

    xx

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  9. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think everyone, and in particular creative people go through this "crisis" where we all want our efforts to make a difference and fulfill our dreams. I know, I had my crisis a year ago. Perspective and time has made all the difference for me. I'm still working on finding the right balance in my life everyday. But each day I feel better about my efforts because I'm keeping the things that really matter most central and I know that the dreams will happen. Big hug and welcome to the club of overwhelmed creative minds.

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  10. I love hearing others thoughts on this. It's interesting, because we sang that exact hymn in church a couple of weeks ago as well! The message was on peace, but peace kind of relates to contentedness, I think. I believe that it is important to dream, but not to let those dreams define you, as you were saying. Otherwise, it's too easy to get caught up in being discontent and void of joy! I aspire to be content in my day-to-day life, so thank you for this reminder.

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  11. Thanks for sharing, my ultimate goals are similar.

    My concerns and biggest ambitions are with health, too. I had to go to the ER in January and I was told I almost died, and I also had collapsed lungs during surgery. This Summer, my husband had melanoma cancer that was caught in time. We both work from home, so sitting all day is so easy. I think God isn't nudging us about health, he's almost yelling in our ear. I know we have to meet God halfway, but I really needed the scary push (and this reminder) to get moving.

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  12. Loved reading this.
    There is so much catty competition out there.. in the handmade business world, in the art world, in the papercrafting world, you name it. Ppl can be so mean and hurtful. I loved reading all u wrote.. and yes.. I am turning 50 next month, and hv thought on all these same things for years now. Life is too short to worry about any of this small stuff.. xo hugs loved reading this post. LOVED IT. XO

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  13. I recently found myself in a similar situation in these past few months.

    It is so easy to get wound up with "I" and "me" and our own personal dreams, goals, and plans. I got so caught up in it, though, I started putting it ahead of what was really important in my life. Oh, what a mess I had created and was so empty because of it! I finally realized that the only path to happiness is one that lies in the Lord. He knows the path that will make me happiest. Sure others will provide some amount happiness, but not as much happiness as the one in which I follow Him completely.

    With this in mind, it's only human to forget all that and drift away -- but it sounds like He pulled you back in and continue to guide you forward ;)

    Love.

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  14. Great post, thanks for the reminder. I can so easily get caught up in things of this world and forget our real purpose. Perspective.

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  15. I needed this. I've been unemployed since February but I'm blessed with an amazing support system.
    Thanks so much!

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  16. I think it's real easy to get jaded when you live a creative life style because so much of what you do is on your sleeve for all to judge. But in the end the greatest creation was done by the best creator and has set the perfect example. I love how your faith and your goals are weaved together.

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  17. I AM at my mid-life (or just slightly past it) and have to occassionally remind myself that what I'd really like is to hear at the end of time "Well done thou good and faithful servant." The tough part sometimes is being a servant. At least one with a good attitude! :)

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  18. thanks for being so honest about what you have been going through. i think everyone has these kinds of moments, but for those of us living a creative lifestyle i think we are faced with a unique challenge of defining the worth of our work from time to time. we're not doing the work of a nurse or doctor, but i think we also want to make the world better (and prettier) in our own way while doing what we love. this fall i had a doozy of a 1/3rd life crisis and it was tough.

    from it i took away that some times, those types of feelings mean i need to change something / re-set my goals, b/c i'm missing out on something God has for me. i changed some things up and life is oh so much better and i'm feeling really energized.

    i want to recommend this book: kisses from katie by katie davis. like she says in the book she's not suggesting that we all do just what she's done, but to find out how God is leading us where we're at. i really can't recommend it enough. it's a huge huge game changer.

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  19. Interesting Post.....yesterday I wrote out all my values on a piece of paper, and then prayed over them to make sure they were values placed on the right things and for the right reasons. Day by day I'm doing this and it's helping me weed out the ones that have been misguided or need refocusing :)

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  20. PS: I think publishing a book would be an awesome thing...I would buy it. Yet, I couldn't help but notice that there are, as I type this, 56 people browsing your site. I've been blogging awhile, and that's like, a dream number for me (even though I love my tiny audience). You ARE published girl!

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  21. Hello all....
    As a college student, I am constantly told by my parents and relatives, to just get a degree-it doesn't matter what in, just get the paper. But more and more I'm realizing that right now, for me, an education would be from travel. In our society it's about a house, nice car, and new shoes. We are taught to value all of these objects more than watching a sunset or climbing a mountain. In high school that's what I wanted....to sit somewhere far away with nothing more than I needed, but every year I get more stuff and that dream becomes farther and farther out of my reach. My life, the things I own, and the THINGS I want are what make all those moments when the sun is just right and everything is quiet seem so small and insignificant, yet those moments are what I want the most.

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  22. Thanks for sharing about your faith. One of the reasons I decided to follow your blog! Thank God for continually reminding us of the important things in life. :)

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  23. I love reading posts like these. I had a similar moment during the carol service this Christmas at university. The words in some hymns really get to me, so I can relate. I hope whatever was worrying you has passed now. xxx

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  24. I love that you take the time to post about your faith and life bumps. Remember, the only true and satisfying goal in life is to glorify the Lord. If you make this your goal and let that define your actions in life, the other important things on earth will become apparent too because He will use those things to His glory. All else will fall by the wayside. Keep Him close to your heart :)

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  25. Danni,

    I just love posts like these. I get sort of turned off by other bloggers who shy away from posting about their faith in an effort not to alienate people. I get annoyed that it's become politically incorrect to say "Merry Christmas." Instead, we say "Happy Holidays."

    That being said, a heartfelt THANK YOU (along with a hearty e-hug) goes out to you for separating yourself from the crowd and for being a bold leader for Christ!

    I, too, have been struggling with this quarter-life crisis lately, as a new mother. For some reason, the term "stay-at-home-mom" bears a certain unproductive stigma for me. Even though I now know (from my own experience!), that being a mother, besides it being the greatest blessing, is THE most productive and most difficult job ever, the stigma remains. We wear so many hats, so it's hard to define exactly what we do. It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15. It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier. It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything — language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity, empathy. Everything.

    I try to tell myself this to gain some perspective. I'm a musician. I work from home, writing and licensing songs to film and TV. I do this (on most days), in my pajamas while the baby naps. When the mother role overwhelms me and the artist in me starts screaming for some attention, I question my worth: what am I DOING with my life?!

    The important thing to remember is that everything I am, God has ordained in me. He placed in me, the desire to write and perform music. He sees my passion and hope and He makes me good at it. He nudges me into His expectations for me. He calls me to do better. To be better. He wants me to live out my dreams. It is my responsibility to claim who I am, who He has made me to be.

    So remember, Danni, your aspirations are there for a reason. It's your responsibility to claim them.

    Merry Christmas and many blessings,
    Jen

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  26. oh danni, this was such an insightful post. a perfect one before christmas. you are right; the simple things hold such greatness. thank you for reminding me. you will conquer your dreams; bit by bit. i know you will. i have been so impressed with your ability to be genuine and yet expand this blog and shop to the masses and help us feel like we know you. keep up the good work; focus on what really matters (like Jesus!) and everything will fall into place. happy holiday-ing.

    xo.

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  27. To quote another song - "tis so sweet to trust in Jesus". ... reminding myself this everyday.

    miss you, friend.

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  28. I am currently going through the exact same thing! and I recently had the same realization. That yes it is important to have goals and dreams but sometimes in this society it is hard to see the things that really matter, like Jesus' Truth! I have to remind myself every morning that He is the truth that we all need!

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  29. that is so sweet! thanks for sharing danni. I wanted to do share something sweet too :) heres a link to free a free hanukah card download by me http://diarysketches.blogspot.com/2011/12/hanuka-card-giveaway.html.

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  30. I have days like that too. Days where you're afraid of all the unknowns in this world or when you're dissatisfied. I'm glad you found some peace with it and I definitely relate - peace for me is usually waiting at home at the end of the day, when my husband gets there and we shut the world out.

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  31. This was such a great post..simple things in life are priceless and such a great way to live!

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  32. God of hope, when I’m feeling sad and wondering why nothing I try turns out like I’d planned, help me to commit my life to your care. Take away my worry and put faith in its place. Teach me to trust the plans you have for my life and to believe that the most important thing of all is walking with you by my side. Amen.

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  33. Danni,
    That is my favorite hymn. It is my go to song when I need to sing my girls to sleep.

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  34. Thanks for this post. I've been feeling like this a lot lately - being torn between feelings of failure for not meeting all of my personal goals, and questioning whether they should even be my goals at all. My husband and I are in a position in our lives where we need to make a few important decisions, and we're waiting on the Lord for direction. The waiting is the hardest part. I'm thankful for this time of year where we can just spend the days with our families and let go of all the little stuff.

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  35. I read a note that was in a documentary. It was from a father to his son, and it simply said this: "All is well. Christ is risen." I stitched it on a bracelet, and keep that phrase close.

    When I hit a difficult time, or I just don't what's what, I remember...all is well. Christ is risen. That's the most important thing.

    Thank you for the reminder and comfort in this post, and thank you for your sweet spirit and heart for Jesus.

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  36. Thank you for being bold enough to post about Jesus. It has been one reason I've always loved reading your blog. It's hard to do so, I know this- every time I post a tweet about Jesus I lose at least 3 followers! Anyway, thanks!!

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  37. I understand this feeling very well. Actually, your post resonated with me to the core.

    I've wanted pretty much the same things ... write a book ... own a shop ... blog ... inspire people. Things happen so slowly sometimes and I dream so big that it's easy to feel like it's all impossible. But, really, we've been given TODAY and we can live it for Christ right NOW. Even when we haven't made it as far as we wanted. Sometimes *because* we haven't made it as far as we wanted.

    Thanks for sharing. I needed this. I've been struggling with some very personal things lately that aren't related to design, writing, crafting, or anything else in my dream inventory that I talk about in public, and it is so easy to forget that it really is well. In every way. Even when my deepest hopes don't go according to plan.

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  38. Thanks for posting this! GREAT reminder and beautiful thoughts. God can do amazing things at the most random times. Love it.

    Emily
    BeautifulHelloBlog.com

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  39. Thank you for writing and sharing this. What a great post and so good to hear. This was a really good reminder and encouragement to me of God's incredible faithfulness to us. ~ Naomi

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  40. Amen. I stumbled upon your blog... you sound like me... an overachiever who wants to do EVERYTHING because God has given us the gifts and abilities to do it all! :-) As a full-time teacher, mother of two, wife, artist, seamstress, etc... list goes on, I try to please everyone. But, at the end of the day, the most important thing is my relationship with Christ. So important to stay grounded with that, all other things fall into place when your house is built upon The Rock. Blessings. Erin Masters

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  41. I love that hymn. Do you know the story behind it? The writer penned it after learning his 4 daughters had drowned in a sinking ship. (His only son had died the year before.) So much faith in the face of such terrible suffering gives me so much hope! It is good for us to regularly examine our motives and plans. It is also good to be reminded of the things that really matter, the things we don't want to lose sight of while persuing our life goals. Not that those goals are bad, just a little reality check from time to time is necessary to make sure the first things are still first! Thanks for the reminder!

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  42. I think I'm having that quarter life crisis too and need to really step back sometimes and think of what's REALLY important. I just try to remind myself often that finding that amazing job is not the most important thing in life and to not get discouraged. My bf was reading a book that said to not let the things you can't control affect your happiness. I'm trying to remember that now and let silly little things go more often. :)

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  43. Thank you so much for posting this. I recently stopped working to stay at home and take care of my son. While I love it, I occasionally feel ashamed that I don't have a career that I'm passionate about, or that my mind and education are going to waste. You're post reiterated what I often remind myself of - that my passion and goals are focused on my family, and that's okay because myfamily is what gives me joy.

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  44. What a beautiful post. When reading post after post in my google reader about this product and this designer, it is a breath of fresh air to have a glimpse into REAL LIFE. I enjoy reading something that keeps me thinking for a while later and questioning my own thoughts and actions. Thank you again, and Merry Christmas.

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  45. Loved your moving post. I too am facing simillar questions in my life and what you said "But I realized that I so easily find myself getting caught up in defining my worth and value by this world and what societies' standards of success is. Whatever comes my way, whatever I do or don't accomplish - at the end of the day, it is well with my soul." is so true... At the end of the day what matters to me, whatever calms my soul is my family, my beagle and my close friends and my love and hope in God.

    Once again, thank you for your post which made me stop and think.

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Friends, Thank you so much for reading + supporting my blog, and for taking the time to leave me a comment. Your comment support truly means so much to me. Have a lovely day! xo, danni